Stupid Never Sleeps: Wormhole Edition

People often share stories of the stupidity of carebears and nullbears, but what happens when a corp of them scan down a wormhole and stick a POS in it?

Tis a quiet day in our wormhole chain. I'm waiting for our C2 static's C2 static to die, which has been critical on time for around four hours. But suddenly, I think I hear the wormhole activate. But who would be stupid enough to use a wormhole that had been critical on time for four hours? Oh yeah, the C2's corp.

2013.04.20 17:08:10 ] Tubrug1 > A pilgrim jumped in then the hole collapsed 10 seconds afterwards
2013.04.20 17:08:19 ] Tubrug1 > And it was stable on mass

A couple of hours later, something catches my eye in the recruitment channel.

[ 2013.04.20 20:20:46 ] dlorian > STARMINE inc.... recruiting uk/us tz wh corp convo me for info...

'STARMINE inc' is the C2 corp and the owner of the Pilgrim who just managed to make it through the wormhole. I hatch a devious, if unlikely plan involving my awox alt. Considering he is only a month old, has had 6 corps in the past 3 days and had been in my main's corp for weeks, I estimated there was only a remote possibility of me being accepted if I tried to apply. Fortunately stupid prevailed, as it usually does.
Enter Tiger the First:

[ 2013.04.20 20:23:21 ] dlorian > hi how can i help ?
[ 2013.04.20 20:23:42 ] Tiger the First > I'm interested in joining your corp
[ 2013.04.20 20:23:51 ] dlorian > sure ,,

I thought the 'sure ,,' was sarcastic at first, but it quickly became apparent that it wasn't. He only asked one question during the whole recruiting 'process', and that wasn't for my API.


 2013.04.20 20:24:08 ] dlorian > u have any wh experiance?
[ 2013.04.20 20:24:22 ] Tiger the First > Nope, but I've read up on it quite a lot
[ 2013.04.20 20:24:29 ] dlorian > np
[ 2013.04.20 20:26:17 ] dlorian > well a app will take up to 24 hours to processs,

I'm not sure how an APIless app can take 24 hours to 'processs', especially with a corp that only receives one or two apps a day.

[ 2013.04.20 20:29:48 ] dlorian > il get tha app sorted asap

Meanwhile, we developed our own theories of what he was doing in corp chat.

[ 2013.04.20 20:50:37 ] Tubrug1 > I've worked out how he's processing my app, he's licking the screen to see if I taste good

Back on Tiger I'd been invited to their public channel, where I asked a few questions to make me seem semi-legit. Then he makes this comment:

[ 2013.04.20 20:44:18 ] dlorian > and small gangs r the way to go

I'm surprised these people have the ability to make a fleet and coordinate it. In fact, I'm surprised they have the intelligence to roll their face across the F1 key every now and again. However, I'm getting bored of this small talk since the wormhole connection will die in a few hours and any chance to sabotage and spy on site running fleets will be gone, so I convo him again.

[ 2013.04.20 21:09:34 ] Tiger the First > Sorry for being impatient, but is there any chance you could accept me now?
[ 2013.04.20 21:09:52 ] dlorian > give me 5 mins m8

15 minutes pass. I'm starting to get slightly nervous and I wonder whether he thinks I taste funny. Maybe he's detected the light touch of awox on me, or the flavour of WIS. But he hadn't, since these are amongst W-space's more unintelligent inhabitants. I'm accepted and I join the corp, then moments later I receive this mail from a fellow newbro.

Thanks! This honest hard-working fellow had the decency to randomly give out his API to the whole corp, even though it wasn't needed! What a good chap. A quick check of his full API reveals him to be a poor carebear, with little clue as to how to fit even the simplest of site running ships.

I congratulate you on your lack of EM resists sir! And your 3 LSEs! And your T1 cloak! We learn that a Myrmidon will guide him in, but he logs off as we are about to engage him, then logs on again a few minutes later after the new guy jumps in. A bollocked opportunity. They were reluctant to run sites for the rest of the night because of the loss they suffered 14 hours ago. Ah well.

This morning I logged on to find myself corpless with one item of mail:

Me? 'Unpleasent'? What? All I did was kill a Mack. And a Retriever. And two Algos's. And four pods. Nothing unpleasant about that, I just politely reminded them that if you play Eve your spaceboat will explode at some point.

If any WH mercs are reading this, I would be grateful if you could return these muppets to where they belong before they soil the WH name.

tl;dr I joined the corp which owned our static C2 with an awox character that's had six corps in three days and has killed 8 ships/pods in that time, and he was also the member of our wormhole corp (the one connected to them at the time) for a few weeks. The recruiter's background checks were limited to tasting my portrait, which would explain why I was accepted.

May I violence your boat?

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Back to RVB

After trading made me want to kill myself, I've rejoined RvB while I search for another corp. I took a random Thrasher I had from Jita, which happened to be a badly fit 'instapopping' arty Thrasher. How did it do in a fight? Let's find out.
Our fleet consists of a mixture of Frigates, Destroyers, Cruisers and Battlecruisers, with some shield Logis.

The fleet looked like that. Eventually the Blue fleet jumped in with sniper support coming in at 100KM, and there were pretty explosions everywhere.

  You know stuff is serious when you see that. Within seconds of the fleet jumping in, I realise my overview doesn't work and hastily burn back to the gate to fix it. I solve the problem by ticking the boxes until I see a massive blob of red on my overview, and get back to shooting people.

I then come under attack by some drones, and had to warp out. As I entered warp, I managed to take a semi-decent looking screenshot of the fight.

We then finish off the fight and try to kill off the remaining snipers before looting the field.

More content to come soon^TM.

The War over Hek Countinues

After our glorious victory in Hek on Saturday, our enemies have been unwilling to commit an attack to us and the majority of fights, leading to the majority of fights being station games. In addition to this, two of ourenemies have dropped their wardecs against us:

Is this the first in a long line of notifications about wardecs being dropped? Probably. Although Sunday represented smaller amounts of kills due to our success on Saturday as our enemies became more weary, it was still rather pretty:

We did manage to get a few kills as well as taking lots of pretty pictures, such as another careless Tornado: 

I warped onto his bookmark and tackled him, and he was quickly finished off once the fleet landed on top of him. We also managed to kill a few other war targets in Hek, but eventually we sent a fleet into nullsec. I missed this but there's a battle report of it here. There's more news from Hek to come.

The Battle for Hek

The second day of my life in Brave Newbies started fairly quietly, with me playing station games and then killing a Tornado that was (badly) attempting to alpha any ships that undocked from the station.

Then killing another Tornado: 

But this post isn't about the incompetency of our station campers, despite their hilarious incapability to camp a station. It's about the slaughter that followed which at the time of writing totalled around 10 billion isk. After some small skirmishes on the Hek station, our war targets undocked a Battleship fleet supported by sniping Tornados. What was this Battleship fleet composed of I hear you ask. Well, it was a Vindicator, Armageddon, Typhoon and a Raven, which were all quite happy to aggress our massive blob, which caused explosions.

We swiftly put the Vindicator to his death after a prologned peroid of docking games, followed not long after by his comrades. The Vindicator's pod is nearly as shiny as his 3 billion isk ship, and the other battleships weren't cheap either

Some lovely looking screenshots of the battle:

But were we done with our shiny ship killing yet? No. We were barely half way through it. After reports that a couple of Tengus had been harassing corp members on the Uttindar gate, I took my finest bait Maller to the scene. After waiting for a few minutes, the very same Tengus that had been pestering us early jumped in. The first one locked me; I didn't actually expect it to engage an obvious bait Maller, it was a half-arsed plan after all, but to my delight it did shoot me, and our fleet warped in.

 I point a Tengu and sacrifice my Maller while the rest of the fleet lands

As I left in my pod I could see rings of fleet members warping in behind me, and I returned to the station a happy man knowing that it would be moments before the Tengu died, and sure enough as I landed on the station I heard a "That Tengu died fast" on comms. We also managed to get the Hawk, but the other Tengu warped off. Would he survive? No. He also exploded slightly after his friend.

The Tengu explodes, and is valued at 3.5 billion, making our isk destroyed count around 10 billion isk in 45 minutes which is rather good. After this, I'd be suprised if we get any more corps dec us. I for one wouldn't mind a few more if they're flying ships as shiny as this, since our current war targets look unlikely to fight in Hek after this display of force:

After this, our wartargets only wanted to play station games with us, which is understandable considering they would be welped pretty quickly if they aggressed.

Once again, if you haven't joined Brave Newbies and are bored with your life in Eve, join us and you'll experience more fun then you've ever had before. Hopefully.

Fly safe

Joining the Swarm

In case you aren't aware CCP recently did a Community Spotlight blog on a young corp named 'Brave Newbies Inc.', which had similar goals to my own corp that flopped about a week ago. At first, I experienced a rainbow of emotions, from jealousy to appreciation, and I decided to join them. After moving to Hek and taunting our wardeccers, which eventually caused my ship to explode, we commenced a Thrasher swarm fleet.

By the time our fleet had undocked, the wartarget's fleet has docked up due to our allies' fleet and the threat of our fleet undocking. One ship does undock, a Drake, and he is swiftly put into low armour with our combined volleys, and he quickly docks up before we can get a second volley. At the time of heading out our fleet consisted of nearly 80 people, most of which were in Thrashers.

We headed to a nearby lowsec system where we found a couple of criminals and suspects in local. We spread out and searched the belts, but my d-scan revealed they were on a gate. I warped to the gate and found the two Armageddons were smartbomb fit, losing my Thrasher's armour in the process. The fleet warped to the Armageddon outside of smartbomb range and we put it into 70% armour before his support arrived which included Logistics and Hurricanes. We lost a few ships, including my own, then the rest of the fleet bailed from the fight.

I didn't spam my screenshot button enough during the fight, but I'll remember to next time. The fleet carried on after that but I went to bed.

I highly recommend joining Brave Newbies if you're a brave newbie or even older than that, it has a lot of potential for a corp and could go on to the scale of RvB.

Fly safe

Funny Kills Part 2

Battle Badger Defeats a Loki
Mad. Battle. Loki. Badger.
I'm sure you've all heard of those before, but have you seen them all in one story before? Chances are you have if you're a regular reader of minerbumping.com, but since it was my own, and one of my funniest kills, I'll post it here with some added details and my own commentary.

 Hours earlier, James announced on minerbumping that we were returning to the Tolle area. Having made acquittance with the miners in this area before, some of whom were code-compliant and others not, I was eager to return to the area. However, my return to local did not get the desired result.

Enter Lord Xymox. I'm really not sure where he came from, why he was here or what he did. One can only assume he is one of those 'alts in nullsec' miners always refer to, usually as an empty threat.

Whoever he was, Lord Xymox was clearly very angry with us

Lord Xymox continued to spout profanity into local, in what is one of the biggest wave of tears I've ever seen, enough to break the Three Gorges Dam.

 Lord Xymox then makes a completely incorrect statement, as we have a corp with an alliance, yet he was impervious to my frequent corrections.

 Suddenly, Lord Xymox issued a duel request. However, this wasn't any old duel request, he was I payed particular attention to the "let's fleet, you and me then we know we can't get concorded' part. Sitting up in my seat, I scoured the market for some form of weapon, and fortunately I found a blaster to attach to my Badger.

 Tricking any ship into being concorded is a good thing, but my heart swelled with excitement when he undocked a Loki. At first, he just orbited me and I was worried he would back down, but it transpires he was being thwarted by the safety system. I then helpfully suggested he turned his safety off, and to my delight he started shooting me.

 People who are aware highsec isn't safe tend to tank their ships, even Badgers, as I did. Because of this, he never managed to get my shields past 50%, while concord came and destroyed him. He then crawled back to the station in his pod.

 At first, Lord Xymox looked like he would brush it off, saying something similar to 'I didn't want that Loki anyway', but then the tears started again. He did what was best and left eventually, but not before giving local a monsoon of tears.

Killmail here. If there's one thing this shows, it's that stupid will always find a way, no matter how hard CCP makes it. It also shows that some people in Eve are complete idiots, since he had to go through two warnings that 'shooting members of your fleet is not authorised', and yet he still managed to concord 420mil isk.

I'll be back with more Battle Badger action later, assuming I don't get blown up while trying.